Campus Ministry
Pilots Prevent
April 6, 2021
We tend to think of loss as only existing on a large, cinematic scale. But feelings of loss can come from a multitude of things, not only the end of a life. The end of a relationship, the move to a new place, a long-anticipated experience that gets canceled. The loss of these things and more can leave us with feelings of grief, and a host of other heavy emotions too. For most people, this past year has resulted in more loss than they’ve ever had to deal with before.
“COVID is causing some loss in families, and it’s also causing loss, in general, in terms of opportunities and experiences,” says Fr. Jim Gallagher, director of Campus Ministry. “If you find yourself stuck in those feelings of grief or loss, or the emotions that come with it, be patient with yourself and seek out help.”
Everyone grieves differently, but the pain of loss is usually a big energy drain that makes it hard to function. Some people might find it difficult to focus. Other can get depressed and have trouble sleeping or eating. Others might get caught up in a cycle of anger. The important thing is to work through those feelings of grief so that you can look at the loss with a sense of peace rather than the heaviness of unresolved pain.
“Whether the loss of a family member or friend, or the grief of losing an aspect of graduation, or study abroad, those are all legitimate losses that can cause grief,” says Fr. Jim. “It’s OK for those things to feel overwhelming. Find time to talk to someone. That could be a friend, family member, pastoral resident or even a professor.”
Fr. Jim says Campus Ministry is always available for those who need someone to talk to and will usually reach out if they hear a student might be in need. “When we hear that a student has experienced a loss, we’ll reach out by phone call or email. The pastoral residents in the halls will usually check in too. Sometimes the student will follow up with us and we’ll provide pastoral counseling.”
But sometimes the loss is known only to the student themselves. In that case, it’s important to take the first step. Even students studying remotely can schedule an online session with Campus Ministry.
“Find someone you’re comfortable talking to,” says Fr. Jim. “Even if you’re not reaching out to us, you can reach out to family, friends, or any other group on campus that might be helpful. That individual might not have answers to make it better, but can provide a space to talk through it.”
And you might find working through your grief has left you struggling with things you never had trouble with before. Maybe you’re having trouble with keeping up with schoolwork, time-management, or staying motivated.
“That’s all a normal aspect of grief, even if it’s something you haven’t struggled with in the past,” says Fr. Jim. “There’s a weariness we’re all experiencing having been in this for a year. Don’t hesitate to seek out help. There are lots of resources on campus—the Health and Counseling Center, the Shepard Academic Resource Center, professors.”
Trying to ignore your feelings won’t make them go away, and feeling bad about having them will likely just make things worse. Give yourself permission to grieve, no matter how large or small the loss. Know that acceptance and adjustment are key to the process, and they will take time.
“These feelings of grief and sadness will ebb and flow,” says Fr. Jim. “Some days it’s not that bad, some days are worse. Be patient with yourself.”
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